Fears and Memories
by Yumi Hinasaki
Summary: Hisoka thinks of his childhood while alone in his room during a thunderstorm. Will Tsuzuki make it home in time to comfort him. Possible spoilers. TsuSoka


'Hey dad look at me. Think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along. And now I try hard to make it. I just want to make you proud, I'm never gonna be good enough for you. I can't pretend that I'm alright. And you can't change me. 'Cause we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever. I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late and we can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect...'

(Song- Perfect by Simple Plan)

I hate nights like these the most out of any night I can possibly stay up through, a stormy night is always the worst for me. Because I Hisoka Kurosaki am scared of the dark. When the power goes out I always feel uneasy like something wrong is going to happen. It doesn't help that most of my childhood was spent imprisoned in darkness and that one night I had taken a walk and ended up losing my innocence. My parents were cruel people. They hated me because I had empathic powers and they scorned me calling me a demon.

My father never truly cared about me I wasn't perfect or good enough for him. I let him down because I wasn't strong enough to cope with their psychical and verbal abuse. My mother would stare at me with a look of hatred whenever she came down. They told me to my face many times that I was a monster and that I wasn't their child. They said to me many times that I had killed their son and replaced his body with my demon form. I hated it; it was bad enough having these powers but my parents' treatment of me was horrible.

And then there was that night when I was thirteen, I couldn't sleep that night I rarely ever could when I had to sleep in a cold cell. And then I suffered in pain in a hospital for three years suffering from high temperatures and being unable to eat or sleep. My parents' didn't care they were glad that the demon was dying within me. They wanted me dead I heard them say it many times when I was a child.

Finally I was able to rest. I was finally set free from the pain and then I ended up here in Meifu to become a Shinigami so I could find out the reason why I was killed. I found that out when I got captured by him, Muraki. He forced me to remember everything that happened that night. I felt sick my curse marks that he branded me with burned in agony. And I knew then I wanted to get my revenge on Muraki for everything he put me through. I was forced to become his doll, his puppet to play around with whenever he was bored but I don't want to be that anymore.

But also because of that I met many people who treated me with kindness. Watari-san, Tatsumi-san, Terazuma-san, Wakaba-san, Saya and Yuma, the GuShoShin brothers and last of all Tsuzuki my Shinigami partner. Because of Tsuzuki I was able to find people who cared for me. Who didn't treat me with disgust when they found out about my empathy, who didn't taunt me and beat me. I found a place for existing and I can't leave it behind.

I finally don't have to be alone anymore and I don't want to be alone ever again I want to stay here by Tsuzuki's side and I'll always go where he's going. There's no other place for me if Tsuzuki isn't there with me. I promised to be there with him I told him he could live in my heart and he can as long as I can also live in his.

And so here I am terrified of this storm like some pathetic kid. Yes I am sixteen but I am not a child, surely after everything a storm shouldn't bother me? It does though and I don't know what I can do about it without looking pathetic whatever I do. I tried to just sleep it off but it's impossible I'm trying everything I can but the memories aren't going away and the storm isn't calming. So I'm sitting in the corner of my room hugging my knees to my chest just waiting.

My bedroom door opens suddenly and I jump out of my skin. A torch light shines on my face. I blink slightly blinded by this light. "Hisoka? Why are you sitting in the corner of your room?" Tsuzuki enters the room a look of concern on his face. "..." "Hisoka? Hey Hisoka talk to me, you're worrying me." The light on the torch dies out. "Shit." Tsuzuki cursed. I hug my knees tighter to my chest and hide my head in them. Tsuzuki approaches me gently trying not to startle me. "Hisoka you're terrified aren't you?" He asks me. He sits down beside me and grasps my hand in his.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore now Hisoka. I'm here now. I would have come earlier but I had my reports to do and then I needed to find this torch. But I'm here for you now, you don't have to suffer from this anymore." "Tsuzuki..." A flash of lightning crashes through the sky and I find myself clinging onto Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki puts his arms around me holding me close to him and stroking my hair in a gentle manner. "Shh..." He soothes. "It's alright now Hisoka, I'll stay with you. I won't leave you." I find myself sobbing in his arms.

"The bad memories won't go away every time there's a storm I remember everything in the cell and the night Muraki cursed me I don't want to suffer like this anymore!" "You don't have to I'm here to help you through this every step of the way, no matter how long it takes I'll be here because you were there for me in Kyoto."

I close my eyes as I rest my head against his chest. My whole body is trembling and Tsuzuki is holding me close rubbing my back in a comforting manner. I feel warm and I feel safe. Could this be love I'm feeling? I don't ever remember experiencing love but from what people have told me these emotions sound like love. I start feeling aware that I'm getting tired because I almost fall asleep against Tsuzuki's chest on the floor. Tsuzuki lifts me up and carries me over to the bed. He lays me down on it and climbs in with me. "Tsuzuki- what are you doing?" "I'm staying here tonight I'm not going to let you deal with this on your own." I blush as Tsuzuki's arms wrap around me holding me close.

"Ne Hisoka?" "Mmm?" "It's okay for me to hold you like this right?" "Y-yes it's okay." I'm not lying I feel comforted having Tsuzuki stay by my side all night that way he can help me through the nightmares that haunt me so. I'm aware of Tsuzuki pecking me gently on the forehead. I flush. "Wha-what was that all about?" "Silly Hisoka." "What?" "Can't you tell already?" "What are you talking about?" "I love you silly I thought you knew."

I'm in shock. Tsuzuki is in love with me? In love with me of all people? Shit I don't know how to react to this. I mean I know I like him. Whenever he's near me I feel warm inside, I feel protected and I don't want him to leave so is it definitely love I'm feeling? I've been confused about how I feel for Tsuzuki for a while now. Ever since we were in Touda's flames something changed between us we were both more friendly with each other, gentler with each other. "Hisoka?" "I don't know but I think I-I'm in love with you too Tsuzuki..." Tsuzuki smiles at me and pulls me closer to him touching his lips gently to my own. It doesn't feel unpleasant in fact it feels really nice.

We pull away and Tsuzuki touches my forehead to mine. "Are you feeling better now?" He asks me and I smile somewhat shyly. "More or less. Arigatou for staying by my side Tsuzuki." "You're welcome Hisoka it's what I'm here for. You'll never be alone ever again." "Aa and you'll never be alone either." Tsuzuki smiles and then falls asleep holding me close to his chest. I drift off listening to the sound of his heartbeat. The next time a storm comes I'll reach out to Tsuzuki I won't have to face my fears alone ever again...


End file.
